An Acrostic Poem About Lewis

Why I Met Lewis

I met Lewis because of underpants. This is not a normal way to meet someone. When weird things happen, they are usually a surprise.

The Woods

Lewis and I met in the woods. I don’t know what he was doing, but I was there looking for a stick. It was for my new invention—the triple slingshot. Slingshots are easy to make. The only hard part is finding the right stick, and if you need lots of sticks to choose from, the woods are the perfect place to look. They’re filled with sticks. If I’d been looking for a regular stick, I probably would have been done in about two seconds, but I wasn’t. Special sticks take a lot longer to find.

An Acrostic About What I Will Make with the Perfect Stick

Looking for a Stick (Hour Number One)

I bet I’ll find that stick any minute now.

Looking for a Stick (Hour Number Two)

I can’t believe I haven’t found the stick yet.

Looking for a Stick (Hour Number Three)

Stupid impossible-to-find stick!

It’s not easy to think good thoughts when you’ve been disappointed for almost 10,800 seconds in a row. That’s probably why I suddenly remembered Dad’s saying.

Sometimes it’s hard to tell if the stuff Dad says is true or not. He tells jokes without laughing, and says real things while smiling. He’s a confusing guy. Even though I didn’t want to believe him, my brain was starting to think that maybe his saying was true. Maybe I wouldn’t find my stick or, worse, maybe it didn’t even exist.

The One Thing You Should Be Scared of if You Hear It in the Woods

SCREAMING!

If you are in the woods and you hear screaming, your first thought should be DANGER!

A good idea for a second thought would be BEAR ATTACK!

I don’t know if Twin Rivers has ever had a real bear attack, but last year we had an almost bear attack. My across-the-street neighbor Mrs. Lee saw a bear in her backyard. He could have eaten her, except she was inside getting some iced tea to drink with her lunch.

She said, “Iced tea saved my life!”

Our whole town knew about it because she got to be on TV, and every time the camera did a close-up, she said the exact same thing. “Iced tea saved my life!” She probably said it more than twenty times.

Mrs. Lee said she was filling her glass with iced tea when she looked out her window and saw a big, furry thing sitting at her picnic table. It was a bear, and he was eating her lunch. He ate her tuna sandwich, her strawberries, and even her broccoli salad (he must have been really hungry to eat that).

She took a ton of pictures. One of them even got in the paper. It was a picture of the bear at the table with the sandwich in his paws. He was sitting up and looked just like a person, except he was furry, had huge claws and teeth, and could totally kill you.

Everyone at school was super excited about the bear, until Marcus Wolver kind of ruined it. He made up a fake rumor. Most people didn’t believe him, but a few did, and that was annoying because now instead of everyone being excited, some people were grumpy about the Lees.

The Thing That Is Wrong with Marcus

Marcus is a nincompoop.

Normally, I wouldn’t pick a dumb word like that, but Mom said I’m not even allowed to think about the other word I wanted to use. She’s pretty bossy about stuff like that. She says old-fashioned words are more polite, but that’s probably just because no one knows what they mean.

I made up an acrostic to help describe Marcus and the word nincompoop—I think it helps.

Marcus was wrong about the Lees for a lot of reasons, but the main reason he was wrong was that he didn’t know them. This is important because if he knew them, he’d know that the Lees are not costume-loving people, and people who do not like costumes do not run around in bear suits.

I know this because the Lees are my neighbors, and even if you don’t want to, you learn stuff about people when they live right across the street from you.

Things I Know About the Lees

• Mr. Lee spends a lot of time working in his garage.

• Mrs. Lee likes to garden.

• Mr. Lee fixes furniture for a job.

• The Lees hate Halloween—every Halloween they turn off their lights so it looks like they’re not home.

My sister, Betty, says they do that because they’re cheapos and don’t want to give out candy, but Mom says that’s probably wrong. She thinks they are just tired from a long day of work and don’t want to have to get up every two seconds to answer the door. I believe Mom because even though Betty is twelve and I’m nine that doesn’t mean she is smarter than me. She is wrong about a lot of things.

Proof That the Lees Are Not Cheapos

Every Christmas the Lees give us a giant tin full of pretzels and three kinds of popcorn (the chocolate popcorn is the best). This is not a cheapo present. A cheapo present would be the smallest tin, the one that comes with only the regular popcorn.

I told this to Betty, but she said, “What? I don’t care about that anymore.” She has the attention span of a hamster.

Sometimes if you know something and other people say you’re wrong, you just have to ignore them and keep on believing it. That’s how I feel about Mr. Lee—no matter what anyone says, I think he’s OK.

What Happened to the Bear After It Ate Mrs. Lee’s Lunch?

It walked away.

What Happened to the People After the Bear Ate Mrs. Lee’s Lunch?

They got scared. Some got crazy scared, like Carla Minkel, a girl in my class. She said that even though tuna sandwiches were her favorite sandwiches in the whole world, she was never going to eat another one for as long as she lived.

She said, “I don’t want to be a bear magnet.”

Mom and Dad were pretty scared too because they gave me a whistle and said, “You have to promise to carry this with you at all times!”

Dad said, “If you’re in the woods and get into trouble, blow the whistle, and I’ll come and save you.”

I didn’t say anything, but my imagination dressed him up like a superhero. He looked ridiculous!

Mom saw me smiling and got mad.

It was too hard to explain what I was thinking about, so I just apologized instead. Sometimes that’s easier than a big explanation.

I put my head down and said, “Sorry for laughing.”

Betty’s foot was peeking out from the corner in the hall, so I knew she was listening. She loves it when I get in trouble. I’m sure she was smiling!

I had to tell Mom “I promise I will always carry the whistle” about twenty times before she finally believed me.

It was an easy promise to make—nobody wants to be a bear snack, and the whistle was pretty small. But that was months ago, and right now I had a bigger problem. I was in the woods and someone had just screamed. Even someone like Marcus Wolver would know what that meant. Screaming always means DANGER!

Copyright © 2014 by Charise Mericle Harper