A Series of Unfortunate Events #10: The Slippery Slope

Chapter One

A man of my acquaintance once wrote a poemcalled "The Road Less Traveled," describing ajourney he took through the woods along a pathmost travelers never used.The poet found thatthe road less traveled was peaceful but quitelonely,and he was probably a bit nervous as hewent along, because if anything happened onthe road less traveled, the other travelers wouldbe on the road more frequently traveled and socouldn't hear him as he cried for help. Sureenough, that poet is now dead.

Like a dead poet, this book can be said tobe on the road less traveled, because it beginswith the three Baudelaire children on a path leading through the Mortmain Mountains, whichis not a popular destination for travelers, and itends in the churning waters of the StrickenStream, which few travelers even go near. Butthis book is also on the road less traveled, because unlike books most people prefer, whichprovide comforting and entertaining tales aboutcharming people and talking animals, the taleyou are reading now is nothing but distressingand unnerving, and the people unfortunateenough to be in the story are far more desperate and frantic than charming, and I would prefer to not speak about the animals at all. For thatreason, I can no more suggest the reading of thiswoeful book than I can recommend wanderingaround the woods by yourself, because like theroad less traveled, this book is likely to makeyou feel lonely, miserable, and in need of help.

The Baudelaire orphans, however, had nochoice but to be on the road less traveled. Violet and Klaus, the two elder Baudelaires, werein a caravan, traveling very quickly along the high mountain path. Neither Violet, who wasfourteen, nor Klaus, who had recently turnedthirteen, had ever thought they would findthemselves on this road, except perhaps withtheir parents on a family vacation. But theBaudelaire parents were nowhere to be foundafter a terrible fire destroyed their home -- although the children had reason to believe thatone parent may not have died in the blaze afterall -- and the caravan was not heading up theMortmain Mountains, toward a secret headquarters the siblings had heard about and were hoping to find. The caravan was heading down the Mortmain Mountains, very quickly, with no wayto control or stop its journey, so Violet and Klausfelt more like fish in a stormy sea than travelerson a vacation.

But Sunny Baudelaire was in a situation thatcould be said to be even more desperate. Sunnywas the youngest Baudelaire, still learning tospeak in a way that everyone could understand, so she scarcely had words for how frightened she was. Sunny was traveling uphill, toward theheadquarters in the Mortmain Mountains, in anautomobile that was working perfectly, but thedriver of the automobile was a man who wasreason enough for being terrified. Some peoplecalled this man wicked. Some called him facinorous, which is a fancy word for "wicked." Buteveryone called him Count Olaf, unless he waswearing one of his ridiculous disguises andmaking people call him a false name. CountOlaf was an actor, but he had largely abandonedhis theatrical career to try to steal the enormousfortune the Baudelaire parents had left behind. Olaf's schemes to get the fortune had beenmean-spirited and particularly complicated, butnevertheless he had managed to attract a girlfriend, a villainous and stylish woman namedEsmé Squalor, who was sitting next to CountOlaf in the car, cackling nastily and clutchingSunny on her lap. Also in the car were severalemployees of Olaf's, including a man withhooks instead of hands, two women who liked to wear white powder all over their faces, andthree new comrades Olaf had recently recruitedat Caligari Carnival. The Baudelaire childrenhad been at the carnival, too, wearing disguisesof their own, and had pretended to join CountOlaf in his treachery, but the villain had seenthrough their ruse, a phrase which here means "realized who they really were, and cut theknot attaching the caravan to the car, leavingSunny in Olaf's clutches and her siblings tumbling toward their doom." Sunny sat in the carand felt Esmé's long fingernails scratch hershoulders, and worried about what would happen to her and what was happening to her oldersiblings, as she heard their screams gettingfainter and fainter as the car drove farther andfarther away.

"We have to stop this caravan!" Klausscreamed. Hurriedly, he put on his glasses, as ifby improving his vision he might improve thesituation. But even in perfect focus, he couldsee their predicament was dire. The caravan had served as a home for several performers at thecarnival's House of Freaks before they defected -- a word which here means "joined Count Olaf's band of revolting comrades " -- and now the contents of this tiny home were rattling and crashing with each bump in the road. Klausducked to avoid a roasting pan, which Hugo thehunchback had used to prepare meals andwhich had toppled off a shelf in the commotion. He lifted his feet from the floor as a set of dominoes skittered by -- a set that Colette the contortionist had liked to play with. And he squinted above him as a hammock swung violently overhead. An ambidextrous personnamed Kevin used to sleep in that hammockuntil he had joined Olaf's troupe, along withHugo and Colette, and now it seemed like itmight fall at any moment and trap the Baudelaires beneath it.

The only comforting thing that Klaus couldsee was his sister, who was looking around thecaravan with a fierce and thoughtful expression and unbuttoning the shirt the two siblingswere sharing as part of their disguise ...

A Series of Unfortunate Events #10: The Slippery Slope. Copyright © by Lemony Snicket. Reprinted by permission of HarperCollins Publishers, Inc. All rights reserved. Available now wherever books are sold.

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Excerpted from The Slippery Slope by Lemony Snicket
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