ON OUR OWN 

1.
No one warned me
the world was full of
ordinary hazards
like closets with locks and keys.
 
I learned this lesson when Mom,
without her cousin to fall back on,
left us daily with
a succession of strangers
while she went to work.
One woman was indisputably
a demon in disguise,
full lips grinning slyly
as Mom waved goodbye
each morning.
"See you after work,"
Mom said that first day.
The second she was out of sight,
Demon's smile melted like
hot paraffin.
Snatching up Carol and me,
she dragged us, kicking, to
the bedroom closet.
She shoved us in, quick as the witch
in "Hansel and Gretel,"
jamming the key in the lock.
"You tattle to your mom about this," 
she growled, "I'll comeback
and beat the black off ya."
Deadly threat delivered,
she left for the day.

2.
I screamed, my puny fists pounding the door
till Carol caught me by the wrists
and held me still. "Shhhh," she whispered.
"It's okay. I'm right here."
Once my breathing slowed,
Carol left me long enough
to navigate the darkness.
 
She found suitcases to sit on.  
Sniffling, I perched on the edge of one
 and pressed my fingertips together.
 
"Now I lay me down to sleep,
I pray the Lord my soul to keep."
 
I repeated those words
like a chant.
I was three years old.
It was the only prayer I knew.
 
3.
I should've prayed not to pee my pants.
The cramped and stuffy space 
made me wheeze.
Brass fittings on the Samsonite case
dug into the flesh
behind my knees.
But worse yet,
the occasional roach
skittered along my calf,
up a thigh,
and I would scratch
and stomp and cry
till it was off.
No one was around
to wipe away my tears, 
except my sister,
who had tears of her own.
 
4.
Day after day,
the routine remained unchanged.
Demon locked us up in the morning,
then let us out and fed us just before
Mom came home from work.
Despite the witch's threat,
the minute Carol saw Mom, she poured out
the horrors of that first day,
but Mom waved her away
with a warning
to quit lying.
 
5.
One afternoon,
when I thought
we'd live in the dark forever,
I heard what sounded like 
a familiar voice.
"Girls?"
"Mommy?" I screamed,
afraid to believe.
But the lock turned,
the door flew open,
and I leaped into Mom's arms.
"My God!" she said.
"How long have you two
been in here?"
"All day," snapped Carol,
keeping her distance.
"I told you!
I told you,
but you called me a liar!"
 
6.
The slap of words sent
Mom to her knees, please 
written all over her face.
"I'm so sorry," she whispered,
reaching for my sister.
Carol backed away.
"Jesus," Mom said. "What did
this woman do? Are you all right?"
Where to begin?
There were too many answers.
Even my big sister
lacked the language needed
for them all,
so we chose silence.
Besides, it was impossible to guess
which atrocities
Mom was
prepared to hear.
 
7.
Thankfully, my sister and I
never laid eyes on that
bit of walking evil again. Still,
Demon lived inside us for years,
embedded in our twin fears
of the dark.

---

Excerpted from Ordinary Hazards: A Memoir by Nikki Grimes
All rights reserved by the original copyright owners. Excerpts are provided for display purposes only and may not be reproduced, reprinted or distributed without the written permission of the publisher.