Publisher's Hardcover ©2024 | -- |
Anorexia nervosa. Fiction.
Psychiatric hospitals. Fiction.
Psychotherapy. Fiction.
Novels in verse.
Evie can't quiet the voices in her head telling her to count calories and that she's a burden on her family. After she's dropped off at a treatment hospital for eating disorders, Evie is being watched while she eats, attending therapy sessions, and feeling more alone than ever. As her treatment continues, she slowly opens herself to the people around her and accepts the help she needs. In this raw novel in verse, Evie's concern about food and taking up space is fueled by her anxiety, which also has her picking at her scalp. The story unfolds with sparse details, and while by the end Evie finds hope, things aren't wrapped up in a nice bow. Readers should proceed with caution about the sensitive and painful details shared about Evie's journey, but this could be a good pick for those wanting to understand what others are going through. An emotionally complex novel that that will stick in readers' minds.
Kirkus ReviewsA girl's experience of being hospitalized with anorexia illuminates the complicated nature of treating eating disordersThis skillfully crafted verse novel follows white 14-year-old Evie, who's recently been diagnosed with "extreme malnourishment" due to anorexia, as she enters and completes a course of a few months of inpatient treatment. Evie is placed on a strict and steadily increasing calorie regimen, and as she improves, she meets others who are struggling with eating disorders, learning how diverse these patients' backgrounds are and how varied the presentation of their disorders can be. As Evie works through therapy and makes strides toward going home, she worries that she won't be able to maintain her progress on the outside-a not-unfounded fear, which, combined with the range of secondary characters' experiences, gives Seal the opportunity to show readers why eating disorders can be so hard to treat. The story is informed by the author's own life, lending tenderness and understanding to its insights. The spare details support strong characterization: Evie's mother's good (but poorly expressed) intentions and her sister's open, vulnerable conversations illustrate well how family members can hurt or help recovery efforts. Readers who are grappling with these issues may find it difficult to read about specific calorie counts as well as the explicit descriptions of dangerously familiar patterns of thought and unhealthy weight-loss strategies.A realistically complex yet hopeful account of eating disorder treatment. (author's note, resources)(Verse fiction. 13-18)
ALA Booklist (Fri Dec 06 00:00:00 CST 2024)
Kirkus Reviews
the psychiatrist
dr. mantell,
the psychiatrist's
nameplate shouts.
i fight the urge
to ask if his name is
printed in loud uppercase
letters to drown out us
lowercase people and our
lowercase lives.
his scalpel-gray
eyes dissect me,
quarter me, sternum
to pelvis, left breast
to right,
wrench me open, reach
inside, find all the
nothing
i've eaten since yesterday.
evie,
the muscles in my body contract
and freeze. i sit, still and staring:
portrait of a girl afraid.
evie,
do you know why you're here?
why i'm here
because of the tests.
they took my height and weight,
took my blood, took my heart
rate, took my pee,
took my family history,
then a man in a lab coat took
my parents aside
to tell them i failed.
i've never failed a test in my life.
because my mother says
this is an important
appointment. we are lucky
a cancellation let
capital-t Them
fit me in.
because sometimes
i get a little sad and overwhelmed.
because sometimes i feel
like falling asleep and never waking up.
because my parents and my sister and my friend darcy and my dog would probably be happier without me. because all i do is try and try to be a perfect daughter and sister and friend and student and person but it doesn't make me any less scared of living. because i would be happier without me.
because sometimes
i have trouble
eating
and my mother and i
argue over dinner plates
just three more bites
like i'm a misbehaving toddler.
i slouch down in my chair,
glare at the doctor,
refuse to speak.
why i'm really here
because of my lies.
the first:
i'm on a diet.
wrong,
i've been on all of them:
mediterranean,
keto,
raw food,
low-fat,
gluten-free,
atkins,
vegan,
paleo,
south beach.
whatever let me
restrict.
intermittent eating with frequent fasting.
second:
it's only one more . . .
sit-up,
push-up,
squat,
mile.
that i wouldn't add
one
plus
one
plus
one
plus
one
until
my muscles ached,
body broke.
third:
i'm in control.
i can stop whenever
i want.
professional opinion
your height and weight
are very low
for a fourteen-year-old,
dr. mantell says
same with your hemoglobin,
and your electrolytes.
you have all the symptoms of
extreme malnourishment.
pride flutters in my chest.
i nod along benignly, glare
at the office door my mom
stands behind. i missed school
to be here. does no one
care about my GPA?
the results from your EKG
indicate
bradycardia.
bradycardia?
a slow heart rate.
thirty-eight beats per minute.
i nod. i don't want him
to think i am a stupid girl.
i am not a stupid girl.
do you understand?
don't blink.
yes.
evie,
your heart is so slow
it could stop
at any moment.
the offbeat drumming of said organ
floods my ears.
dr. mantell observes my reaction.
me the frog, his eyes
the scalpel. see the ease
with which they slit
my pale, white skin,
my muscles,
my rib cage,
until my empty guts
spill out.
you are,
in my professional opinion,
anorexic.
that word
anorexic.
it lodges itself
in my coronary artery.
heart palpitates. thousands
of excuses
dam up my mouth:
i eat,
i'm fat,
i'm not obsessed with my looks,
i eat,
that's not the type of girl i am.
i come from a good family--
but i eat,
i squeak.
do you eat enough?
i think about
the ice cream i don't eat.
the chocolate,
the potato chips
i also don't eat.
the avocados,
bananas,
cookies,
french fries,
granola,
hamburgers,
marshmallows,
peanut butter,
spaghetti,
tacos,
yogurt,
an alphabet of off-limits food.
yes?
dr. mantell leans back in his chair,
scrunches his white face in thought,
impatiently tap-tap-taps his pen against
the notes he's been taking.
i think we should get
your mother in here.
my mother
she barges in
with as much restraint
as a freight train. this woman
who gobbles firewood
so she can keep
running and running and
running along
her one-track mind.
my diagnosis derails her.
she fires coal-hot questions:
what does this mean?
how does she get better?
can she get better?
what about her heart?
how do i make her gain weight?
i think she's really asking,
what do i do
with this damaged daughter?
drowning
mom and dr. mantell
position me as a
problem
to solve.
say words like
program,
therapy,
refeeding.
i'm stuck on
anorexic,
ANorexIC,
ANOREXIC.
it floods me, fills my lungs.
i can't shout, can't breathe,
only flail. fail.
drown.
too weak to
surface.
i've drowned before
when i was five, at a beach
that's more dream than memory.
bubble-gum-ice-cream-blue sky,
chocolate-brown lake.
i ran, reckless,
into calf-deep water.
splashed in waves left
in motorboats' wakes.
another girl, eight or nine,
joined me, chanted,
follow me, follow me,
i will lead, so follow me!
powerless against
this pied piper,
i followed, the water
reaching my shoulders,
my neck, my scalp.
i followed, until I couldn't.
my feet floundered
for lake bottom.
my left foot found
ground. stepped
down and sunk, stuck
in deep muck.
scared, limbs swinging,
i struggled, stomped,
trapped my right foot.
panic pounded
in violent waves.
come on,
my new friend giggled.
my head barely breached
the surface.
restless ripples
muffled my screams.
help!
only silence answered.
my last thought as
static clouded in:
this is all my fault.
warm hands grabbed
under my armpits.
hauled so hard
my side-body ached.
evie! you know the rule,
don't go in past your waist!
my dad hissed through
gritted teeth.
he carried me
to safety,
where my rules have kept me
ever since.
Excerpted from Light Enough to Float by Lauren Seal
All rights reserved by the original copyright owners. Excerpts are provided for display purposes only and may not be reproduced, reprinted or distributed without the written permission of the publisher.
Deeply moving and authentic, this debut novel in verse follows teenage Evie through her eating disorder treatment and recovery―a perfect choice for readers of Wintergirls and Louder Than Hunger.
Evie has just barely acknowledged that she has an eating disorder when she’s admitted to an inpatient treatment facility. Now her days are filled with calorie loading, therapy sessions, and longing—for home, for control, and for the time before her troubles began. As the winter of her treatment goes on, she gradually begins to face her fears and to love herself again, with the help of caregivers and of peers who are fighting their own disordered-eating battles. This insightful, beautiful novel will touch every reader and offer hope and understanding to those who need it most.