CHAPTER

1

"I think Mrs. Holt is a killer," Mike said.

"Me too." Keith said. He had a bag lunch, but he was looking at my food.

"Yeah," I agreed. "I know what you mean."

I looked down at my tray. Big mistake. It's best not to look at it. At least not straight on.

Lunch food. It was better just to eat it. You know, with your eyes closed.

When you looked at it, you wouldn't be hungry anymore. Any idiot knows that.

School lunch food was most edible when you had a cold. Then you couldn't smell it. Or really taste it. That's when it tasted best.

Too bad I didn't have a cold.

"Whatisthis?" I asked.

I poked at my lunch.

It didn't move, so that was a good thing. The only problem was that I didn't think it should be brown.Whateverit was.

"I'm not talking about the food," Mike said.

"What?Youlikethis stuff?" I asked as I poked at it again. It still didn't move.

"Of course I don't like it, Al!" Mike said. "Do Ilooklike I don't have a tongue?"

We all stared at Mike.

"You look like you don't have a brain," Roshni said.

Roshni always cracked on people. No one took it to heart.

"Can youlooklike you don't have a brain?" Keith asked. "I mean, that's not something you can reallysee."

"At least not yours," Roshni said back to Keith.

Things were getting out of hand. I had to change the subject.

"I think it's meat loaf," I said.

"My brain?" Keith asked.

I wanted to say something to Keith, but knew that one Roshni in the bunch was enough.

Before Roshni could answer Keith, I spoke up. "No, the brown stuff. I think it's meat loaf."

"Would you forget about the brown stuff?" Roshni said to me. "For all we know, it's poop on a plate."

Mike threw his fork down. "Okay. Now I can't eat it. Thanks alot!"

"You were going toeatit?" Roshni asked Mike.

"I'm so hungry, I was going totry."

"Here. Take my corn bread," Keith said. He held out a square of corn bread.

"Your Mom'sfamouscorn bread?" Mike asked.

Keith nodded.

"Thanks!" Mike said as he snatched the corn bread out of Keith's hand. He started eating it like he was onSurvivoror something and hadn't eaten in days. "God, this is good," he said to Keith. He was taking huge bites.

Just then, four tables over, everyone started screaming.

A crowd formed, and Roshni ran over there.

Keith, Mike, and I stayed seated. We figured we'd wait until Roshni came back. We knew he'd tell us everything.

"That idiot -- Chris Vale -- shoved another Tater Top up his nose," Roshni said as he came back.

We rolled our eyes.

"Yeah, what else is new?" I said.

Chris Vale shoved a Tater Top up his nose atleasttwo times a week. We think he did it to get the attention of some girl. But all he got was Mrs. Holt jumping over the lunch counter.

Mrs. Holt is the lunch lady. She's a real weirdo. And of course, she can't cook.

That's why the school hired her.

Have you ever met a lunch lady who could cook?

I can see their interviews. The school principal asks a future lunch lady to bring in a sample of her cooking. If it's totally disgusting, she gets hired. If her food is somewhere near good, she's probably told to go to a restaurant. "No use wasting your skills onthesekids," the principal probably says.

"You know, I've never had a school lunch that was any good. Inallmy years of school," I said. I poked at the brown stuff some more.

"Yeah, me neither," Keith said. "That's why I 'bring.'"

"Can you guys forget about the food for a minute?" Mike said.

He looked worried. Or upset. I couldn't tell which.

But Keith hadn't noticed.

"We're atlunch, man. How can we forget about food?" Keith asked Mike.

"Because there are other things to worry about," Mike said.

"Like what?" I asked.

"Like, I think our lunch ladyreallyis a killer," Mike said.

We all looked at Mike. Then we looked at Mrs. Holt.

She was walking around the lunchroom. Her eyes were wild and shifty. And she looked nervous.

"Okay. I'll bite," I said as I turned back to Mike.

"Yeah, me too," Keith said. "Why do you think she's a killer?"

"She's always doing stuff that's not, you know, very lunch ladyish," Mike alleged.

"She's weird, but that doesn't make her a killer," Roshni said.

"Yeah, if 'being weird' made you a killer, then Chris Vale would be a serial killer," I said.

"You mean a Tater Tot killer," Keith said.

"What?" Roshni asked Keith.

"You know. He's not acerealkiller. He's aTater Totkiller," Keith said. Then he laughed.

He was the only one who laughed.

"You really are an idiot," Roshni said to Keith.

"Like take now," Mike said. "Look at her. What is shedoing?" He got us back on topic. That was good.

She was waving some kind of metal box thing around.

Copyright © by Elise Leonard, 2007

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Excerpted from Killer Lunch Lady by Elise Leonard
All rights reserved by the original copyright owners. Excerpts are provided for display purposes only and may not be reproduced, reprinted or distributed without the written permission of the publisher.