Beat the Band
Beat the Band
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Perma-Bound from Publisher's Hardcover ©2010--
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Candlewick Press
Annotation: Paired with the infamous "Hot Dog" Helen for a health class presentation on safe sex, tenth-grader Coop tries to regain his "cool" by entering his musically challenged rock group in the "Battle of the Bands" competition.
 
Reviews: 7
Catalog Number: #44895
Format: Perma-Bound from Publisher's Hardcover
Special Formats: Inventory Sale Inventory Sale
Publisher: Candlewick Press
Copyright Date: 2010
Edition Date: 2010 Release Date: 09/14/10
Pages: 390 pages
ISBN: Publisher: 0-7636-4633-4 Perma-Bound: 0-605-44179-0
ISBN 13: Publisher: 978-0-7636-4633-2 Perma-Bound: 978-0-605-44179-8
Dewey: Fic
LCCN: 2010006607
Dimensions: 20 cm.
Language: English
Reviews:
Horn Book (Fri Apr 01 00:00:00 CDT 2011)

In this companion to Swim the Fly, Cooper is partnered in health class with Helen, a girl with a loser reputation. He decides the only way to regain his cache of cool is to win the Battle of the Bands; too bad he and his friends don't play any instruments. Interwoven into this humorous romp are lessons about social status and individuality.

Voice of Youth Advocates (Thu Apr 28 00:00:00 CDT 2022)

A 1, and a 2, and a 3 . . . Beat the Band is a rhythmic ride complete with high school antics. Plus it is easy to read. Even if you cannot dance to it, the main characters’ music—or should I say, attempts at playing music—gives this book an American Band Stand high score. Calame brings back the dynamic hilarious trio of Coop, Matt, and Sean, first introduced in Swim the Fly (Candlewick, 2009/VOYA August 2009). Their life goal is to “keep their [school] year from going up in flames” and to meet girls. If you are looking for a 1950s version of teen life, this is not the book for you. There is contemporary gutter humor focusing on the age-old male teen rite of passage. Whether the characters are getting to first base or rocking out in a band (“to get the girls of course”), Calame provides a very entertaining, laugh–out-loud read. In the end, boy meets girl, she is not totally repulsed, and life rocks on in Beat the Band. The raw comic relief will keep teens reading. Plus, this screenwriter-turned-young-adult-author has deftly inserted the lesson that the good girl character wins over cosmetic looks. This reviewer looks forward to the future antics of Coop, Matt, and Sean.—Madelene Rathbun Barnard.

To Cooper, there is nothing worse than a group health project on social diseases. Things might not be so bad if he had an attractive female partner. In Calame’s second book, readers will be laughing out loud as Coop’s social life takes a nosedive, thanks to project partner Hot Dog Helen, the school outcast. This novel is filled with hilarious misadventures and teenage boy humor. 5Q, 4P.—Angelina E. Barnard, Teen Reviewer.

ALA Booklist (Wed Sep 01 00:00:00 CDT 2010)

It's not all that often the wisecracking buddy gets to be narrator, but that's what happens in Calame's endearing follow-up to Swim the Fly (2009). Fifteen-year-old Cooper's nightmare ing paired with class pariah "Hot Dog Helen" for a semester-long project s one solution: get respect by winning the school's Battle of the Bands. Each chapter is titled after a thematically appropriate song (guess what "Smells like Teen Spirit" is about), and the band's attempts to transform themselves into swaggering, spray-tanned rock gods is rife with laugh-out-loud blunders. As the slang-happy Coop might say, this is one part brill and one part ridic.

School Library Journal (Wed Dec 01 00:00:00 CST 2010)

Gr 8-11 In this very funny sequel to Swim the Fly (Candlewick, 2009), Coop takes over narration duties as he and his best friends, Matt and Sean, return for their sophomore year. Right off the bat they are assigned partners for a semester-long health-class project. To his horror, Coop is paired with "Hot Dog" Helen, the school outcast, and assigned to research contraceptives. Immediately dubbed "Corn Dog Coop," he is desperate for a way to salvage his social status. An upcoming Battle of the Bands presents the perfect opportunity for him to reveal his inner rock god and make a good impression on all the hottest girls. He recruits his friends into "Arnold Murphy's Bologna Dare," and they divide their time between rehearsals and hilariously misguided attempts to perfect their look. Meanwhile, the most popular girls in school enlist Coop to help them sabotage Helen, and he can't find a way to extricate himself from their plot to humiliate her. When she joins his band as the much-needed lead singer, grudging respect turns to infatuation even as his guilt grows. The inevitable revelation and its aftermath are both gut-wrenching and touching. Subplots about the band's cribbed demo tape and Coop's father's efforts to manage the group add depth to the story. Creative sexual slang and bathroom humor begin on page one, but Coop is mostly just talk. Messages about bullying and consequences of teen sex (included via the health project) add just the right note of gravitas to this rockin' romp. Amy Pickett, Ridley High School, Folsom, PA

Kirkus Reviews

In this side-splitting sequel, Calame details the Swim the Fly (2009) guys' sophomore year, this time from the perspective of horny Cooper. After meeting their goal of seeing a real naked woman last summer, Cooper convinces the boys to set the bar higher: winning the school's Battle of the Bands despite their total lack of musical talent or ability. Coop's real motivation is to use the competition to draw attention away from his unwanted health-classproject pairing with school pariah Helen, which backfires when he ends up falling for her. Coop keeps the laughs coming by using his dubious powers of persuasion to engineer everything from a fart-fest in the school library to a self-tanning experiment that goes horribly wrong, all for the good of the band. With song-title chapter headings providing a subtle soundtrack and the inspired addition of Coop's dad, an unemployed former garage-band member who steals scene after scene with his lessons on getting groupies and amateur pyrotechnics, fans have nothing but more good gross fun to look forward to. (Fiction. 14 & up)

Reviewing Agencies: - Find Other Reviewed Titles
Wilson's High School Catalog
Horn Book (Fri Apr 01 00:00:00 CDT 2011)
Voice of Youth Advocates (Thu Apr 28 00:00:00 CDT 2022)
ALA/YALSA Best Book For Young Adults
ALA Booklist (Wed Sep 01 00:00:00 CDT 2010)
School Library Journal (Wed Dec 01 00:00:00 CST 2010)
Kirkus Reviews
Word Count: 79,469
Reading Level: 3.8
Interest Level: 9-12
Accelerated Reader: reading level: 3.8 / points: 11.0 / quiz: 140805 / grade: Upper Grades
Reading Counts!: reading level:4.4 / points:20.0 / quiz:Q52217
Lexile: HL600L
CHAPTER ONE

BORN TO RUN

THIS IS IT, DAWGS," I say. "From boys to men. Tenth grade is the year we tag all the bases. First, second, third, and then we slide into home."

"I'd just be happy to step into the batter's box again," Sean says.
I shoot him a gimme-a-break look. "Don't be so mopey, dude. Tianna was just a practice swing. Now you're primed to aim for the fences."

Me, Matt, and Sean shortcut across Dreyfus Park, our bikes kicking up the dust that settled over the summer as we head toward the beige brick building of Lower Rock- ville High that looms like a penitentiary. A penitentiary chock with hotties, to be sure, but a lockup for most of the daylight hours, nonetheless.

"I don't know," Sean says. "I don't think I'm over her yet."

"Of course you aren't," Matt consoles. "It's only been a week since you split up."

I laugh. "Are you kidding me? They were only going out for a month. A week is more than enough time to get over it. It's standard formula: One day of angst for every week you were dating. Four weeks, four days. Over and out. Any more time is just a wank."

Matt looks at me in disbelief. "Where do you get these things?"

"It's common knowledge, dude. Google it." "What do I do if I see her in the hall?" Sean asks. "What do you mean, if ?" I say, pumping the pedals on my creaky mountain bike, feeling the strain in my legs as we split the goalposts and ride over the football field. "You are going to see her in the hall. She might even be in a bunch of your classes. Who gives a crap?"

"Just say hi," Matt offers.

"No." I glare at Matt. "Wrong. Do not take advice from the Whipped One." I turn to Sean. "You say nothing. She dumped you, so she no longer exists. Simple as that."

"Ignore her?" Sean says. "I don't know if I can do that."

I sigh, exasperated. "Look, Sean. You're a changed man. We all are. This past summer was epic. Look at all we accomplished. Our first party, yours and Matt's first girlfriends, Matt kicking ass in the butterfly, seeing our first naked babe -"

Sean cringes. "Please. Do not bring that up ever again.

I'm still having nightmares about Ms. Luntz threatening to suffocate me with her gargantuan gazongas unless I swim a thousand laps."

"What I'm trying to say is, you're no longer wet behind the ears.Tianna breaking up with you is the best thing that could have happened. I mean, seriously, why would you want to waste the best years of your life tied to just one babe? No offense, Matt."

"Why would I be offended?" Matt says. "It's not like me and Valerie are getting married."

"No," I say. "You're just having her baby." Matt scowls. "You're so full of it, Coop."

"Sean-o? A little backup here. Matthew is, in fact, carrying Valerie's baby, is he not?"

"Leave me out of it," Sean says, the wind whipping his hair.

I raise my eyebrows at Matt, like "Need I say more?" "Jealous much?" Matt says.

"Oh, yeah, without a doubt. Green as hell. Aren't we, Sean? We'd love to have to ask permission anytime we want to do something. And be dragged to every chick flick that comes out. And have to drop everything when- ever our 'honeykins' calls."

Matt shakes his head. "Everything you just said is total bullshit. And you know it."

I smirk. "Then why is your face getting red?" "Because it isn't." I glance at Sean. "Sean-o?"

Sean looks off in the distance. "I said, leave me out of it."

Matt rolls his eyes. "Yeah, you guys have really matured this summer. It's staggering."

We hop the curb into the student parking lot and pedal toward the bike racks. The lot is already full. I don't have my driver's license yet - another thing I need to get started on this year - but everyone knows that if you want to nab a parking space you have to get to school at least twenty minutes early. We pass my sister Angela's car, recognizable by the fact that it's the only one in the lot with a car cover. It's her sickness. One of many.

"Look, Matt," I say. "You're acting like we think it's a bad thing. So, Valerie's got a tight grip on your Mr. BoDangles. At least you're getting some. Some of what, I'm not sure. But you seem comfortable with the trade- off. Personally, I wouldn't be. And I'd be lying if I said Sean and I don't miss you sometimes. But we get by. Don't we, Sean?"

Sean says nothing. Jesus, I hope he's not going to use this Tianna thing as an excuse to be such a soggy turd all year long.

The three of us coast up to the bike racks and leap off our bikes.

"All I'm saying is, we have an opportunity here." I pull a key from the pocket of my jeans, unlock my bike lock, and unravel the chain from around the seat post. "Our summer goal was a success. We saw a live naked -"

"Hey!" Sean shouts, waving a yellow coil lock at me like a weapon. "Did I not just ask you never to bring that up again?"

I laugh. "Sorry. But remember what I told you at the beginning of the summer? About the natural order of things? Internet porn, live naked girl, and then the dirty deed? Well, we're ready to take that next step."

"Would you stop it with that stupid theory of yours?" Matt says. "You wouldn't know the natural order of things if it crapped on your head."

Sean snickers. I ignore him and give Matt a you-can't- be-serious look. "Correct me if I'm wrong here, Matt. Maybe I shouldn't be including you with me and Sean. Maybe you've already rounded all the bases. If you have, just say so."


From the Trade Paperback edition.

Excerpted from Beat the Band by Don Calame
All rights reserved by the original copyright owners. Excerpts are provided for display purposes only and may not be reproduced, reprinted or distributed without the written permission of the publisher.

Get ready for riffs on hot girls, health class, and social hell! The outrageously funny boys from Swim the Fly return to rock their sophomore year.

In this hilarious sequel to Swim the Fly, told from Coop’s point of view, it’s the beginning of the school year, and the tenth-grade health class must work in pairs on semester-long projects. Matt and Sean get partnered up (the jerks), but Coop is matched with the infamous "Hot Dog" Helen for a presentation on safe sex. Everybody’s laughing, except for Coop, who’s convinced that the only way to escape this social death sentence is to win "The Battle of the Bands" with their group, Arnold Murphy’s Bologna Dare. There’s just one problem: none of the guys actually plays an instrument. Will Coop regain his "cool" before it’s too late? Or will the forced one-on-one time with Helen teach him a lesson about social status he never saw coming? With ribald humor and a few sweet notes, screenwriter-turned-novelist Don Calame once again hits all the right chords.


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