My Kitten Won't stop Talking

My kitten won't stop talking.
She just prattles night and day.
She walks around repeating
nearly everything I say.

My kitten never says, "Meow."
She never even purrs.
She mimics me instead
in that annoying voice of hers.

She waits for me to speak,
and then she copies every word,
or begs me for a cracker,
or says, "I'm a pretty bird."

I'm not sure what to do, and so
I simply grin and bear it.
She's been this way since yesterday;
that's when she ate my parrot.

My Kiwi Is the Captain

My kiwi is the captain of a supersonic plane
that doesn't fly to Switzerland or Singapore or Spain.
It doesn't fly to Jordan or Jamaica or Japan,
or Serbia, Somalia, Samoa, or Sudan.

It doesn't fly to Norway, Nicaragua, or Nepal.
It's safe to say it doesn't fly to anywhere at all.
But that's the way it always goes for kiwis, as you've heard.
It's true that he's a pilot, but he's still a flightless bird.

I Have to Write a Poem

I have to write a poem,
but I really don't know how.
So maybe I'll just make a rhyme
with something dumb like "cow."

Okay, I'll write about a cow,
but that's so commonplace.
I think I'll have to make her be...
a cow from outer space!

My cow will need a helmet
and a space suit and a ship.
Of course, she'll keep a blaster
in the holster on her hip.

She'll hurtle through the galaxy
on meteoric flights
to battle monkey aliens
in huge karate fights.

She'll duel with laser sabers
while avoiding lava spray
to vanquish evil emperors
and always save the day.

I hope the teacher likes my tale,
"Amazing Astro Cow."
Yes, that's the poem I will write
as soon as I learn how.

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Excerpted from The Tighty Whitey Spider: And More Wacky Animal Poems I Totally Made Up by Kenn Nesbitt
All rights reserved by the original copyright owners. Excerpts are provided for display purposes only and may not be reproduced, reprinted or distributed without the written permission of the publisher.