I'm never going to write again!!!!!!!!!!!!

Uncle Harold, who is this really smart dog I live with who's written all these books about our rabbit, Bunnicula, who our cat, Chester (who is also really smart) says is a vampire because...

I forgot what I was trying to say.

Proof! I can't write! I'm never going to write again!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh, now I remember.

Uncle Harold (who isn't really my uncle, I just call him that) says that he's gotten lots of bad reviews and that I shouldn't let one bad review get to me. Ha! Easy for him to say. He's been writing for a katrillion years and his books have sold a katrillion copies, even if he has gotten some stinko reviews. But I've written only three books. I've just gotten started. Nobody will want to read my books after whatCanine Quarterly-- myformerfavorite magazine in the whole world!! -- had to say:

Howie Monroe writes with energy and a sense of humor, but he is a literary lightweight. Pack his books to while away the time when you're going for an extended stay at the kennel, but don't be looking for him to win the Newbony Award any time soon.

A literary lightweight!!!!!!!!!!!!

Would a literary lightweight know how to use as many adjectives as I do? Or exclamation points!!!?

Oh, what's the use? If I'm never going to win the Newbony Award, why should I even bother to write?

I wonder what the Newbony Award is.

Howie's Writing Journal

My friend Delilah, who is this beautiful andREALLY SMARTdog who lives down the street and happens to be one of my best friends in the whole world and is maybe even my girlfriend, although I've never told her that, not in so many words, anyway, well, Delilah said the Newbony Award is about the biggest award a book can be given. She said her owner, Amber Faye Gorbish, reads Newbony books all the time. I told her Pete, who is Amber's boyfriend and one of the two boys who lives in the house with me (Toby is the other one), reads stuff like the FleshCrawler books by M. T. Graves. Those books are soooooo cool. My favorite is #28:Screaming Mummies of the Pharaoh's Tomb.It's about these twins who find a time-travel machine in their grandfather's attic and...

Anyway, Delilah said that books with titles likeScreaming Mummies of the Pharaoh's Tombnever win the Newbony Award. I asked her whatdoeswin. She thought about it for a long time.

"Books that are sad," she said finally. "And take place a long time ago."

"Screaming Mummies of the Pharaoh's Tombtakes place a long time ago," I pointed out. "And it's sad. Especially the part where the screaming mummies crumble into about a katrillion pounds of dust."

Delilah gave me a look. If it was a look in a Newbony book, it would have been described as "withering."

"It also helps if the characters are poor and somebody dies," she went on. "Or if the main character, usually a child and preferably an orphan, goes on a long journey. Alone. Oh, and it should be a book girls will like."

A story started taking shape in my mind. (It's amazing how that happens when you're a writer.) I pictured a poor (but cute) dachshund puppy, all alone in the world, without a penny or a parent to call his own, setting off in search of...something...and it's a long time ago, like last week, maybe, and...somebody dies.

I told Delilah.

"You need help," she said. "I've read a lot of Newbony books. Maybe we could write the book together."

I wasn't sure I liked that idea. I've never written with somebody else. Besides, I wanted to win theNewbonymyself. But then, I figured, half a Newbony is better than none.

"Okay," I said. "But can it still be about a poor (but cute) puppy? And could he be named Howie Monroe?"

Delilah didn't love that idea, but I reminded her that Iama published author, so I should getsomesay.

"Okay," she said, "as long as his friend -- agirlpuppy named Delilah -- has an important part."

"Deal," I told her.

Newbony Award, here we come!!!!!!!!!!!!

Text copyright © 2003 James Howe

Illustrations copyright © 2003 by Brett Helquist

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Excerpted from Screaming Mummies of the Pharaoh's Tomb II by James Howe
All rights reserved by the original copyright owners. Excerpts are provided for display purposes only and may not be reproduced, reprinted or distributed without the written permission of the publisher.