Chapter 4: Cookie Mix and Other Stuff

The next day was Saturday.

Saturday is the day me and my mother go to the grocery store.

I have rules at that place.

Like no hollering the words I WANT ICE CREAM!

And no calling Mother the name of big meanie when she won't buy it.

And no eating a bag of marshmallows that doesn't belong to you.

Or else the store guy yanks it away from you. And he says, Eating is the same thing as stealing, young lady.

Then he takes you to Mother. And she has to pay for the whole entire bag. Except for I don't know why. 'Cause I only ate three of those softy guys and that's all.

The carts at the grocery store have seats in them. That's where babies sit. Only not me. 'Cause big girls get to walk all by theirselves.

And guess what else? One time Mother even let me push the whole big cart without any help.

Except for then some baked beanies got knocked off their shelf. And a grandma got her foot caught in my tire. And so now I have to wait till I'm bigger.

My favorite aisle is where the cookies are. That's 'cause sometimes there is a lady at a table there. And she gives me and Mother cookie samples. And we don't even have to pay for them.

Their name is freebies, I think.

Only too bad for me. 'Cause this time the lady wasn't there.

"Darn it," I said very disappointed. "No freebie lady."

Mother smiled. "That's okay. When we get home, we're going to bake our own cookies for Grandparents' Day, remember? Won't that be fun?" she asked.

I made my shoulders go up and down.

That's  'cause I was still mad at her for not taking me to my teacher's house, of course.

"What kind of cookie mix do you want?" asked Mother.

I did a frown at her. "I don't even want to bake cookies anymore" I said. "'Cause you still won't take me to where Mrs. lives."

Mother rumpled my hair. "Staying mad isn't going to change things, Junie B.," she said. "Now do you want to pick out the cookie mix? Or shall I?"

Then Mother picked out some cookie mix. And she gave it to me. And I throwed it in the cart very hard.

"Thank you," said Mother.

"You're not welcome," I said.

After that, Mother took me outside of the store. And me and her had a little talk.

A little talk is when Mother is mad at me. And she says who do I think I am, missy? And zactly how long so I think she's going to put up with me?

Then I have to say a 'pology to her.

A 'pology is the words I'm sorry.

Except for you don't actually have to mean it. 'Cause nobody can even tell the difference.

After the little talk, we went back into the store.

"Shall we try again?" asked Mother.

Then she gave me another box of cookie mix. And I put it in the cart very nice.

"That's better," she said. "Thank you."

You're not welcome, I said inside my head.

Then I smiled to myself. 'Cause Mother can't even hear me in there.

After that, me and her went around the corner. And I saw my most favorite thing in the whole world!

And its name is the water fountain!

"Hey! I need a drink!" I said very excited.

Then I runned right over there. And I hopped up on the little step.

"Need some help?" called Mother.
"No," I said. "'Cause I'm almost six years old, that's why. And so I already know how to work this big guy.

"And here's another thing I know," I said.

"No putting your mouth on the water spout. Or else germs will get inside you. And you will die."

I smiled very proud. "Paulie Allen Puffer told me that," I explained.

Then I bended my head over the fountain. And I drank for a very long time.

"Hurry up, Junie B.," said Mother. "I need to get the shopping done."

I wiped my mouth off with my arm.

"Yeah, only I can't hurry up. Or else I might a stomachache and spit up water. 'Cause a boy named William did that on the playground yesterday."

Mother looked at her watch. "Okay. Well, I'm going to be right here in the cereal aisle. As soon as you've finished drinking, come directly back to me."

"Okey-dokey," I said very happy.

Then I turned around and drinked and drinked and drinked.

Except for then I started feeling a little bit sickish. And so I had to sit down on the little step and rest my water.

That's when the big front doors of the grocery store opened.

And guess what?

My eyes almost popped out of my head, that's what!

'Cause I saw a big shock!

And its name was Mrs.!

My real live teacher named Mrs. was at the grocery store!

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Excerpted from Junie B. Jones and Some Sneaky Peeky Spying by Barbara Park
All rights reserved by the original copyright owners. Excerpts are provided for display purposes only and may not be reproduced, reprinted or distributed without the written permission of the publisher.