Starred Review for Kirkus Reviews

Stationed in Afghanistan, medic Ben spends a long day drafting a detailed confession about the tragedy that threw his life off course two years earlier. When the tiny town of Merit, Wis., loses its football hero to a drunk-driving accident, his family needs help on their dairy farm. High school senior Ben steps up to help. His mother hopes it'll give him fodder for his Yale admissions essay; Ben, unsure he wants to follow the path she's laid out for him, just likes helping the stern Mr. and Mrs. Lange and their 15-year-old son, Jimmy. When Jimmy wins a national photography contest with sensual photographs of his own father and Ben (both taken without permission), rumors that the baby-faced Jimmy is gay jump into overdrive--and start circulating about Ben, who then distances himself from Jimmy. When Ben witnesses a horrific crime and does nothing, his life spins out of control; he begins to doubt himself, his senses, his motives…even his connection to reality. Bick's compelling tale manages to be a blistering confessional and a page-turning whodunit (or maybe what-really-happened) all in one. Ben's thoughts on sexuality, the dangers of rumor, individual freedom and personal responsibility, among other topics, will resonate with teens, who won't mind the lack of a tidy end. Readers won't be able to look away even if they find they don't much like--or trust--Ben. (Fiction. 14 & up)

ALA Booklist

Bick's latest is refreshingly messy in its psychology, boasting a narrator who blunders repeatedly at critical moments and an author who will not let him, or readers, off the hook without a fight. While soldiering in Afghanistan, Ben writes a confession regarding his final semester in high school, when his friendship with a shy farm boy, Jimmy, exploded into local scandal. Without Ben's permission, Jimmy published a photo of him that appears rather erotic, throwing Jimmy's parents into a rage and Ben into a storm of gossip. The tumult climaxes when Ben sees Jimmy's brutal (possible hate crime?) murder. For self-protective reasons Ben does not go to the police d so begins a series of cover-ups that have him doubting everything down to his own feelings for Jimmy and his interpretation of events. Bick proves again she is a writer to her core, never at a loss for things to say and uninterested in easy answers. Her handling of Ben's increasing paranoia and delusion is nimble, making this a violent, and very smart, take-no-prisoners experience.

Horn Book

A soldier serving in Afghanistan recounts the series of complicated events that led to the brutal killing of his estranged friend in their small Wisconsin town. Unable to explain what he saw that night or why he didn't help, Ben covered his tracks before investigating on his own. Ben's story is a tense and tragic exploration of intolerance and the elusiveness of truth.

Kirkus Reviews (Fri Oct 04 00:00:00 CDT 2024)

Stationed in Afghanistan, medic Ben spends a long day drafting a detailed confession about the tragedy that threw his life off course two years earlier. When the tiny town of Merit, Wis., loses its football hero to a drunk-driving accident, his family needs help on their dairy farm. High school senior Ben steps up to help. His mother hopes it'll give him fodder for his Yale admissions essay; Ben, unsure he wants to follow the path she's laid out for him, just likes helping the stern Mr. and Mrs. Lange and their 15-year-old son, Jimmy. When Jimmy wins a national photography contest with sensual photographs of his own father and Ben (both taken without permission), rumors that the baby-faced Jimmy is gay jump into overdrive--and start circulating about Ben, who then distances himself from Jimmy. When Ben witnesses a horrific crime and does nothing, his life spins out of control; he begins to doubt himself, his senses, his motives…even his connection to reality. Bick's compelling tale manages to be a blistering confessional and a page-turning whodunit (or maybe what-really-happened) all in one. Ben's thoughts on sexuality, the dangers of rumor, individual freedom and personal responsibility, among other topics, will resonate with teens, who won't mind the lack of a tidy end. Readers won't be able to look away even if they find they don't much like--or trust--Ben. (Fiction. 14 & up)

School Library Journal

Gr 8 Up-When Del is killed in a head-on collision on prom night, Ben and his father, a deputy sheriff in their small Wisconsin town, pitch in to help on the family's farm. This brings them into contact with Del's younger brother. Jimmy seems to be a lost soul and Ben wants to help him, as he would a younger brother. Jimmy confides that he would like to be a photographer, admitting that he likes taking photos when the subjects do not know they are being photographed, and Ben never realizes that he is the subject of one of these candid shots until it is published. The firestorm that the innocent yet sensual photo creates turns the lives of both boys upside down, and the resulting homophobia results in Jimmy's murder. Reminiscent of Bick's Drowning Instinct (Carolrhoda Lab, 2012), the story is told in flashback, this time in diary-type letters. He feels guilt; perhaps he is to blame for what happened. He tries to work out who killed Jimmy, why he made the decisions he did, and why he is compelled to ingest not only his own sins, but Jimmy's as well. He exiles himself, first from his classmates, and then from the future his parents have planned for him-including Yale and medical school. Instead, he becomes a medic and chases death in Afghanistan. He learns that he is ready to stop running from and start running toward his life-whatever happens. He does not act as a moral beacon for others; he wants to escape the situation, and yet finds that his conscience will not let him. This novel should be in all YA collections, and would be interesting reading for members of GSA's. Suanne B. Roush, Osceola High School, Seminole, FL